The 10 Things 10 Years Thought Me

As a part of an assignment for my writing course, I was asked to write a letter to my 10 year old self, and list 5 or more lessons I’d like to let her in on. So I went on this journey down memory lane, tears pouring out of my eyes I wrote her a letter.

And I have chosen to share these life lessons here.

The 10 life lessons I learnt in the last 10 years.

Lesson no. 1 - People/Life will keep stealing your food, your clothes, your money, your house, your family, your friends, your lover, your heart, your brain, your soul. But they will never be able to steal the magic only your heart can make.

Lesson no. 2 - Baby you will meet a lot of ‘Friends’ in the next 10 years, most of whom you feel will attend your wedding and walk down the aisle as your bridesmaids, unfortunately they won’t. Most you will call ‘Best friends’ they will be the first to leave, they will sugar coat lies and give you unrealistic promises, you will love these ‘Best friends’ with all the love you deem possible, you will give them parts of yourself, but baby girl, THEY WILL LEAVE, there are no absolutes in life just what if’s and if not’s. Don’t be disheartened, this will not be the end.  Your people are the ones you choose, these people will be there with you, and if and when they leave you will be at peace, knowing these people played their part and in return loved you with everything they had in them. If people have to leave baby girl, let them, learn to let go of what you can’t control.

Lesson no. 3 - You may say you hate a lot of people, but inside of you, you have love, and only love. Love will save you, love will triumph pain, love will triumph heartbreak, love will triumph hate. You learn to forgive yourself, by loving yourself.

Lesson no. 4 - Beauty is not defined by if your waist is 24, or if you wear a sports bra or a push-up, it is not defined by the brands your mother buys you, or makeup you use, beauty is not defined by the way you tie your hair or how pretty your dress is , it is not defined by the boy you date or the bag you carry to school. Beauty is defined by YOU, you were beautiful when you were in you mothers arms, you were beautiful when you were 1, you were beautiful when you touched 9, you were beautiful the day you decided you wanted longer hair and you were beautiful the day you wanted it short again. You are beautiful irrespective of your chest size or your waist size. You are beautiful because your mind is beautiful, you are beautiful because your soul is beautiful, you are beautiful because God made you beautiful, you are beautiful because you choose to be beautiful, you are beauty, and the right man will see the beauty I see right now.

Lesson no. 5 - You are Free Baby girl, just go fly now.

Lesson no. 6 - Forgiveness is the key to sanity. Keep forgiving, you will never go mad.

Lesson no. 7 - Love is not a game, you do not have to win, you simply have to love. You want a kiss in the rain? You’re going to get one. You want to wake up one morning with his arms wrapped around you? You will get that too. You will get the love you want, because you gave the love you deserve. Your perfect love is out there, but don’t search him in every person that passes by, don’t search him at all. Love will find you when you need it the most. Till then love the people who love you.

Lesson no. 8 - You can only be as broken as you choose to be. You can either choose to be broken in public or choose to be broken in private. Irrespective, you are going to need people no matter what. Look for your people.

Lesson no. 9 - You’ve got this 1 life; you get moments, make memories, good or bad, make them. Moments stay; even after the curtain call, even after the actors leave, the moment will always stay. Do something for yourself, and trust in this, that the ones who love you right now, will love you forever, they may leave, but the love will never.

Lesson no. 10 - Smile, laugh, love, live. Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise, you are beautiful, honest and a wonderful friend. If a relationship ended, learn from it. Remember don’t shut out the people who care about you. Let them in, you don’t need a special someone with a key to open that locked door, open the goddam door and let your demons out, let the people you love and you meet, see the real you, let them choose if they want to love you, and if they don’t, let them go.

Be you,

Always be you,

Choose you,

Always choose you.

2014 | The Year that has been - by a girl that is.

I have chosen to start this post with a poem from my ‘The Word Series’, this poem sums up what my raging emotions look like. It is also something I hold very close to my heart, I have started writing a series of poems which I call ‘Poems to You’ they are not written for a specific person nor do they have a recipient. They are just written because I have been given these beautifully essential words.

And now, to begin my post

2014|THE YEAR IN REVIEW BY THE GIRL THAT WAS

Moments, this tragic yet insanely beautiful year was filled with so much pain, loss, hurt, heart break, stories, joys, change, and eventually ends, that it can only be summed up in one word, Moments.

There were tragedies that questioned humanity itself, and I’d love to talk about all the wrongs that were done to this planet and its civilization, but not right now. I have come to believe in this essential truth, there is, and always will be a specific moment for everything, nothing happens by chance or by mistake.

2014 had moments of great tragedy, an insane amount of tears, and moments that changed the course of life as I knew it.

I wasn't prepared for the pain that would come along with a broken heart, nor was I prepared for harsh truths that shook my roots and shot a bullet hole through my heart. I’d grown up believing I wasn't worth a lot, and that to be given love I’d have to love selflessly. I looked for this thing called love under the bed and in the corners of a dark room, I looked for love in words and smiles, I looked for love in a boy. No one will ever tell you this, but never look for love in a boy, never look for love anywhere but yourself. I loved selflessly, but the timing wasn't right nor was the person and eventually trying to push it pushed everything.

Timing – This one word is so important; we tend to always forget we don’t really have a lot of time. We use it on the wrong people, the wrong things and the wrong moments, and then we regret.

Regret – It is such a strong word that would break a heart. I don’t regret a thing. Having no regrets is something that changed the way I look at 2014. The inevitable loss occurs non the less but one thing about having no regrets is, you know you were meant to loss the person at some point.

Loss – Tragic would sum up the amount of loss this year bought me, not only physical loss but emotional loss as well. Death chose to take a person very close to me, it left me gasping for air at 2am. But life stole more, I lost love, I lost friends, I lost pieces. I broke hearts and I got my heart broken, I lost.

Heart break – I promise to prepare the young ones for this, I promise to prepare my children for this. The harsh truth of life, heart break is inevitable, and so essential in forming our own image of ourselves. I had 2 choices when I felt my insides die, I felt the rain fall and I felt my surroundings flood, and when the water took over me, when I was drowning, that’s when I could finally breathe. I chose the light over the darkness that surrounded me.

|You not wanting me was the beginning of me wanting myself|

But how can a year be filled with so much loss, and not have an equal amount of gain?

Love – A 4 letter word, no definition, no explanation, nothing. Love is just love.

Self-love – A few moments caused a bulldozer to go over my relationship with God, and to be honest, I kept telling God he left me not realizing I was the one leaving him. But then one day I was introduced to this emotion, this kind of love I never knew existed, I was introduced to self-love. I would deem myself inadequate every time I looked in the mirror. Inadequate I am not, because now, every-time I look into the mirror I am reminded of why God created me, and his love never really ended or gave up on me, all I really needed to do was love what he created.

Joy – I found joy, being someone, being a sort of inspiration to the kids I’d volunteered with.

I found a resurrected love for baking and making something that could bring smiles. I found joy in travel, and discovering a city alone. I found joy on this journey I've chosen to take myself on.

I found a job, an insane journey that has been, but it also continues to be one of the most joyful things I have ever done.

I may have lost a lot of important people, but I found a few that define the word family.

Family isn't always blood, family sometimes ends up being these beautiful people you meet on your journey. What I find most beautiful in a person is almost never physical, I fell in love with so many minds, so many hearts touched mine, and on this journey I found family.

I finally understood that home isn't a place or a city, home is the people you feel most at home with, the ones who understand you, the ones who hear you crying cities away, the ones who end up being your 3am phone calls, the ones you opened locked doors to, the ones who had the key.

I learnt the subtle difference between love and lust. My sister thought me that, and after what seemed like a very hard life, my sister found her happy ever after, my sister found love.

And I could go on with the year that has been. But I’ll stop here. I changed, multiple times, and I changed, into someone I think I love, I think I've finally changed into me.

In life we have moments, we don’t get forever’s, we get moments, we get choices, we get happy or sad.

Always choose happy

Always choose happy

Always choose what brings you joy, choose what fills your heart with love, and never settle for less.

Choose you | I chose me